you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
