My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We got so high we made milksteak
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
