May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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