all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
