Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
