U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
