And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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