So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
