There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
