her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
