Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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