dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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