I wannas sexs uuuuu
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
