Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
