Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
