I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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