Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
