you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
