I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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