i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
