I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
