This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
