I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize