Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
