if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
