Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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