I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wear drunk well.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
