3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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