Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
