my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have post one night stand depression
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