Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize