He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize