She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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