We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
