My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
