We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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