You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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