I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
