dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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