I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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