New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
