A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
