dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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