I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
