guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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