I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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