i will never coherently bang her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found puke in my bra..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
