i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
