now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
