you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
