She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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