it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
