Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
