You're earring is so big in my mouth
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
