Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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