oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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