Your mouth is God's brothel.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
