pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
