I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
