you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
