Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
