Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
