Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
