woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
