i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
