you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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