my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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