I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
