We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
