I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize