he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
