hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
